What to do when a loved one doesn't go to the doctor

Read time: 4 minutes

Many of us worry about loved ones putting off doctor visits.

Here are just a few of the reasons why some people don’t go to the doctor — and how, if this sounds like someone you know, you might be able to help them have a change of heart.

Reason: They don’t realize the benefits of preventive care.

What you can do

Does your loved one claim to be as “healthy as a horse?” That’s great! The next time the subject comes up, remind them that preventive care is one of the best ways to stay that way.

Preventive exams or wellness visits are a way to learn about your health, even if it’s to confirm you’re in good shape. It can show you’re on the right track, and offer motivation for continuing or starting new healthy habits.

And, preventive medical screenings and tests can reveal ailments before you have symptoms, which could result in easier and more successful treatment.

Reason: They have specific fears about going to the doctor, such as having blood drawn for lab work. Or they fear receiving less-than-favorable results on a test or screening.

What you can do

Let them know that’s pretty normal … a lot of people probably feel the same way. Then, focus on the good things that can happen if they go the doctor, not the bad things that will happen if they don’t:

“I bet you’ll feel good getting that checkup taken care of.”

“You’d be amazed at what they’re able to treat nowadays.”

Fearmongering rarely works, and can increase a person’s anxiety. Try encouraging statements like the ones above rather than, “If you don’t get that blood pressure under control …”

Reason: Going to the doctor would require asking for help, and they don’t want to be a burden to others.

What you can do

Offer your enthusiastic help with the logistics. If your friend or loved one doesn’t have a doctor, offer to help them find one. Check out their provider list, ask friends for referrals, etc. If your family member doesn’t drive, offer to take them to their appointment, and let them know how much you enjoy spending time with them. “I’d love to take you. We can go to lunch afterward!”

If you don’t drive, or your loved one has mobility issues, offer to help them find and line up an ADA-accessible shared ride service. An area office on aging or doctor’s office will have this information, or can point you in the right direction.

Reason: Too much pressure from loved ones to go to the doctor can result in people digging in even further because they feel they’re not in control of their own decision.

What you can do

Know when to drop the subject. When it comes up again, remind your loved one how much they mean to you. Nonjudgmental “I” statements can work better here. Try, “I’m concerned about your well-being, and I really think getting in to see Dr. Smith will help you feel better” instead of, “You better take care of this,” or “You’re not doing yourself any favors.”

What if these tactics don’t work?

At the end of the day, you can’t force someone who’s responsible for their own affairs to go to the doctor (unless it’s an emergency, of course).

Just keep the loving lines of communication open, and try some of these approaches again another day.

In the meantime, lead by example by taking care of your own health. Keep up your healthy habits of eating right, getting exercise and good sleep. Keep up on your own doctor visits and health screenings. It might inspire your loved one to make that appointment.