The making of a memoir: meaningful memories and moments

Today, we think of memoirs as a form of autobiography and creative nonfiction. However, unlike autobiographies, a memoir focuses on specific and impactful moments and themes. You’ll find memoirs written by soldiers in World War II, a woman falling in love, a parent navigating their life with a new baby. Memoirs are meant to give the reader a deeply personal and authentic view of the writer’s life. They embrace imperfection and honesty, and dive deep into seemingly simple moments.

What is a memoir?

The word “memoir” comes from the 15th century word memorie. Memorie means “a note, something written to be kept in mind.” It’s also linked to a Latin word, memoria. Memoria is defined as “a notice or essay relating to something within the writer’s own memory.”

So, what about your memories? Have you ever gotten that itch to write it all down? Send it out to your friends and family or save it for your kids and grandkids to read one day? Maybe it’s the story of meeting your spouse. Or your time in the military. Or what it was like to move to a new state after college. Your descendants definitely want it. They want to know all about the things that made you, you.

A guide to storytelling

Before you start writing, remember that nothing needs to be perfect and nothing needs to be final — you can always revise, edit, or rewrite it entirely.

1. Step One: Identify your theme. Consider what’s had a lasting impact on you — an experience, a relationship or a period of change. Choosing a clear focus gives your readers a direction and a way of keeping engaged. You might focus on themes of belonging, resilience or love.
2. Step Two: Outline key events and moments. Once you’ve picked your theme, outline key moments that relate to it. It doesn’t need to be exhaustive. Include experiences, conversations and events that helped shape your views and perspective.
3. Step Three: Embrace honesty. Readers connect with authenticity — be yourself, even if it doesn’t paint you as the hero. That’s OK. Include moments that rehash mistakes or regrets. A memoir embraces the entirety of the human experience.
4. Step Four: Show, don’t tell. Instead of telling the reader, “I was happy,” paint a picture of the scene, describe the things you were physically feeling. You could talk about the warmth of the sun or that you felt lighter on your feet.
5. Step Five: Reflect on impact. Reflect on the experiences you had then, now. Explain how these moments helped to shape you into the person you eventually became. These kinds of reflections will give your writing depth and complexity.
6. Step Six: Seek feedback and revise. Writing a memoir is a deeply personal journey, but it’s important to remember your readers, too. Once you have your draft, ask trusted friends or family members to give you feedback. This will help you understand where more clarity is needed.

A few things to keep in mind

• Be selective about what you include. Choose what serves the theme and cut what doesn’t.

• Don’t rush the process and don’t feel pressured to finish quickly.

• Find your voice — humorous, poetic, direct, etc. — pick the voice that feels natural to you.

• Respect the boundaries of those you’re writing about. Be mindful of their privacy.

Where to start

That’s a lot of information and writing a story is a difficult, and at times, daunting task. Even the writers who have gone down in history as the greatest of all time asked the age-old question, “Where do I even begin?”

Start with something you could talk about for hours — your wedding, your college years, your first home. Consider the memories, think about the smells, the views, the feeling of fresh carpet under your feet. The way that one stair creaked in your childhood home. The shadows that the tree branches cast through the windows of your college apartment. And once you have that, once it’s tangible in your mind, all that’s left to do is to start writing.

Before you know it, you’ll have a stack of stories on your desk. Stories that your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will cherish for their entire lives.