How to build resilience when life changes

Read time: 5 minutes

“The only constant in life is change.”

More than 2,500 years ago, Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, put into words something humans have always known: Life changes.

Some transitions are ones we look forward to: retirement, moving to a new city, pursuing something you’ve long wanted to do. Others arrive without invitation: losing someone you love, becoming a caregiver, receiving a difficult medical diagnosis.

Even positive changes can unsettle our routines, relationships and sense of what’s familiar.

We can’t always control what changes. We can, however, strengthen how we respond to it.

Defining resilience

Resilience is the ability to adapt and recover when life is difficult or uncertain. It’s a skill that can

be strengthened over time, often with the help of experience. Facing uncertainty in the past can give us perspective and remind us that we’ve found our way through difficult situations before.

Resilience doesn’t mean bouncing back to exactly who you were before. That may not be possible after a major life change. It also doesn’t mean ignoring sadness, fear or frustration.

When faced with one of life’s curveballs, it can be easy to focus on the unfairness of it all. And if you do, that’s OK. The goal isn’t to ignore those feelings, but to avoid getting stuck in them.

Instead, try shifting your focus toward acceptance and what you can do from there.

What this looks like: “This is where I am now. What can I do from here?”

Five ways to cultivate resilience

Resilience is something we can strengthen with practice. And like many skills, it can become easier to draw on over time.

Mindset: Reframe what you can

We can’t necessarily change the situation, but we can change how we think about and respond to it. Move from “Why is this happening?” to questions like, “What’s within my control?” or “What’s one thing I can do next?”

Changing the way you look at a situation won’t change what happened, but it may help you see the possibilities that are harder to notice when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Physical well-being: Take care of your physical needs

Your physical and emotional well-being are closely connected. When you’re physically exhausted, everyday challenges can feel harder to deal with.

The basics matter: getting enough rest, eating well and finding ways to move your body. Even going for a walk can relieve stress and give you intentional time to clear your head.

When your body is telling you to rest, listen to it. Taking care of your physical needs can leave you better equipped to handle whatever the day brings.

Relationships: Stay connected

When you’re going through something difficult, it’s important not to face it alone. Lean on others for encouragement, perspective or simply to listen. Make an effort to maintain supportive relationships, especially if your natural inclination is to withdraw. This could look like getting coffee with a friend, weekly calls with a family member or just asking someone for help.

Connection works both ways, too. Reaching out to someone who could use your company or support can provide a sense of purpose and remind you that you’re part of something bigger than yourself.

Environment: Create calm where you can

When life feels turned upside down, creating a little order in your surroundings or routine can give you something steady to hold onto.

This doesn’t mean you need to reorganize your entire house. Start small. Clear off a cluttered countertop. Make a short list of what needs your attention today. Stick to a familiar morning routine. Small amounts of order can make life feel a little more manageable.

Consider creating boundaries around the things that add to your stress, too. Staying informed is important, but you don’t have to stay plugged in around the clock. Give yourself permission to step away when you need to.

Restoration: Make room for what restores you

Resilience grows when you give yourself opportunities to rest, recharge and find enjoyment.

Think about the activities that leave you feeling refreshed or bring a sense of meaning to your day. Spend time outside. Listen to music. Visit a museum. Practice gratitude. Work in the garden. Pick up a hobby or simply do something that makes you laugh.

When life gets difficult, enjoyable activities can be some of the first things we set aside. Yet those moments can restore your energy, lift your spirits and give you something positive to look forward to.

Resilience takes time and practice. You won’t handle every difficult day perfectly. And you don’t have to. Sometimes resilience simply means dealing with what’s in front of you today and trusting you can do the same tomorrow.

It can also help to look back at challenges you’ve already navigated. What helped you through them? Who did you turn to? What did you learn about yourself along the way? Those experiences can remind you of the strengths and support you can draw on when life inevitably changes again.

You may not be able to choose every change that comes your way, but you can build the resilience to meet it.